We Are Never Getting Back Together

Main Point of Discussion:
God wants us to be in relationships that are loving and caring and God-honoring, and when they aren’t, we must have the boldness to break away from them.

Introducing the song:
Say: Taylor Swift’s “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is a record setting song that has definitely won its way into the hearts of millions. As we watch the video, think about any ways you might be able to relate to its message.

The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64

Transitional Statement:
If you haven’t experienced the emotion of wanting to get out of a bad relationship yet, odds are you will at some point in the future. The problem is that people who are on the giving side of toxic relationships are stubborn about letting people out of them. But God has given us great advice that actually reflects the big idea of Swift’s song.

Divide into Small Groups:
Let’s go ahead and split up into our discussion groups, and then afterward we’ll come back together for a final word.

CLICK HERE for a quick training article on how to maximize your small groups using our small group format—a great resource to equip your small group leaders.

Discussion Questions:

1. AROUND THE CIRCLE: Before we dive in, everybody go around and share your name and what you like or don’t like about Taylor Swift’s music.
2. ASK A FEW: Why do you think this song of hers is so popular?
3. ASK A FEW: Why do you think Swift needed to add the extra ‘ever’ to the never getting back together title?
4. ASK A FEW? Do you think there are things in life that we need to ‘break up’ with? What would be some examples?
5. ASK A FEW: Do you think most relationships between guys and girls your ages are healthy? Why or why not?
6. ASK A FEW: How would you define a toxic relationship?
7. ASK A FEW: Why do so many people stay in them even though they are unhealthy?

Read the following passages from the Bible:

Proverbs 13:20
Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.

Proverbs 12:26
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

8. ASK A FEW: What do these three passages have in common?
9. ASK A FEW: Why do you think God is so concerned with who our friends are?
10. ASK A FEW: Why would God tell us not to judge people and then categorize people as ‘fools’? (Leaders – the Biblical concept of ‘fool’ is someone who lives life as if there is no God.)
11. ASK A FEW: How do toxic relationships cause OUR lives to fall apart?
12. ASK A FEW: What does it look like to choose our friends carefully?
13. ASK A FEW: In what ways do we ‘team up’ with unbelievers that are unhealthy? (Leaders – The primary way Paul had in mind here is through marriage.)
14. ASK A FEW: Does God want us to totally avoid friendships with unbelievers? Why or why not?
15. ASK A FEW: What is a good balance to model with those who are not Christians but aren’t toxic either?
16. ASK A FEW: Are there unhealthy relationships between Christians as well? If so, is it wrong to end the friendship? Why or why not?
17. AROUND THE CIRCLE: What are ways we can be sure that we ‘never ever’ get back together with the unhealthy people in our lives?

Wrap Up:
Because we live in a fallen, messed up world with fallen, messed up people, avoiding unhealthy relationships will be next to impossible. But because of the wisdom that Scripture brings to us about friends and relationships, we can be discerning about who we let into the deeply personal areas of our lives. More importantly, God wants us to be in relationships that are loving and caring and honoring to Him, He can give us the strength and the boldness to break away from them.

Pass out the Healthy Relationships questionnaire below to the students and have them take some time to reflect on this critical area of their lives.

Healthy Relationships
Do we make decisions about what to do and where to go, TOGETHER?

Have I isolated myself from my friends and/or family members because of this relationship?

Does my friend/significant other feel that what I have to say and how I feel is important, and shows me through his/her actions and words?

When something goes wrong in our relationship, does he/she try to fix it or save the friendship?

Does my friend/significant other apologize for wrongs they commit?

Do we enjoy spending time together just as much as we love our independent time?

Does my boyfriend/girlfriend push my physical boundaries?

Do my parents approve of this relationship? If so, why? If not, why not?

Is my friend/significant other deeply jealous of me and my time?

Is trust a positive and important part of our relationship?

Is the basis of our relationship physical attraction or is it more significant than that?

Does my friend/significant honor God with their life and in our relationship?

Close in Prayer:
Encourage the students to come and talk to you or another leader about healthy ways to end toxic relationships. Close in a prayer that gives students a chance to trust Christ, then let students pray for boldness in keeping their friendships in God’s will and purpose.

Written by Lane Palmer