Music Discussions

Really Don’t Care

Dynamic ImageMain Point: Even though we may think a romantic relationship is going to last forever, if it ends, we are still obligated by God to maintain an attitude and lifestyle of love towards the other person.

The Music Video: Really Don’t Care by Demi Lovato
A lot could be said about Demi Lovato. She’s an uber talented young woman who got her start on the Disney Channel show “Sonny With a Chance” which she leveraged into a singing career that captured lots of female fans because of her abilities…and lots of male fans because of her looks.

Unfortunately, her career went into a tailspin when she checked into rehab in late 2010. Demi’s high profile struggle was amply covered in the media, but the young singer tried to use her inner battles as a tool to help others. She even rebounded with a strong single entitled Skyscraper (that we turned into a MUSIC DISCUSSION about building a solid life). She’s also talked about her struggles in documentaries (which we also used as a springboard in this MUSIC DISCUSSION about resisting temptation).

Now, Demi is back with velocity. Really Don’t Care is definitely a different kind of song (and video) from this usually wholesome artist. The song is about getting over an ex, but Lovato doesn’t sacrifice any sleep – or courtesy – in the process. The music video is largely shot on scene at a gay pride rally in West Hollywood, and it opens with Lovato making statements about “Jesus loving everybody.” It also has plenty of graphic moments: shots focusing on butts and genitalia, same-sex couples kissing, and guys dressed as girls. The video, which is being used as a statement of sexual equality, employs plenty of cameos; Perez Hilton, Travis Barker, Cher Lloyd, and Wilmer Valerrama are just a few of those seen in the music video with Lovato.

We highly recommend that you review the video for yourself before deciding if you want to show it to your group or not. If not, you can easily still do this discussion with your group by just passing out copies of the lyrics and going from there.

Introducing the Song:
Most of us are familiar with Demi Lovato; in fact, a lot of you guys have grown up watching her on the Disney Channel and listening to her music. She’s kinda had a tough few years – a rise to fame followed by a tailspin into rehab followed by a rebirth of her career. There’s no denying that Lovato is a talented artist; the girl can flat out sing! In her latest single
Really Don’t Care, Lovato is joined by Cher Lloyd and the two of them sing about the best way to get over an ex: they really don’t care. Take a listen to the words of the song as we watch the music video and see what you think about her strategy for moving on.

The Music Video:
The video can be found at the following link:

Song’s Lyrics:

You wanna play, you wanna stay, you wanna have it all
You started messing with my head until I hit a wall
Maybe I should’ve known, maybe I should’ve known
That you would walk, you would walk out the door, hey!

Said we were done, then met someone and rubbed it in my face
Cut to the part, she broke your heart, and then she ran away
I guess you should’ve known, I guess you should’ve known
That I would talk, I would talk

But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Oh oh oh I really don’t care

I can’t believe I ever stayed up writing songs about you
You don’t deserve to know the way I used to think about you
Oh no not anymore, oh no not anymore
You had your shot, had your shot, but you let go

Now if we meet out on the street I won’t be running scared
I’ll walk right up to you and put one finger in the air
And make you understand, and make you understand
You had your chance, had your chance

But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Oh oh oh I really don’t care

[Cher Lloyd]
Yeah, listen up
Hey, hey, never look back,
Dumb struck boy, ego intact
Look boy, why you so mad
Second guessin’, but should’ve hit that
Hey Demi, you picked the wrong lover
Should’ve picked that one, he’s cuter than the other
I just wanna laugh, cause you’re tryna be a hipster
Kick it to the curb, take a Polaroid picture

But even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Even if the stars and moon collide
I never want you back into my life
You can take your words and all your lies
Oh oh oh I really don’t care
Oh oh oh I really don’t care

Transitional Statement:
Without a doubt, Demi Lovato comes across as “spicy” in this video. I’m not hating on Demi, but the usually clean singer has a bit of an edge to her in
Really Don’t Care. Not only does she have fairly sexual images in the background of her video, but she also employs questionable tactics for getting past a broken relationship. Let’s face it, almost every single one of us will go through a break up in our lives; when we do, we need to remember that we are still obligated by God to maintain an attitude and lifestyle of love towards the other person. It’s probably not best to embrace an “I don’t care” sort of mentality because it’s not that helpful. Let’s look at God’s Word to see if we can find a better strategy.

Divide into Small Groups:
Let’s go ahead and split up into our discussion groups, and then afterward we’ll come back together for a final word.

CLICK HERE for a quick training article on how to maximize your small groups using our small group format—a great resource to equip your small group leaders.

Discussion Questions:

  1. AROUND THE CIRCLE: As we get started, let’s all take a second to share your name and your favorite musician.

  2. ASK A FEW: What would you say this song is about, at its core? (Leaders – This song is a break up song. She talks about getting past her ex throughout it.)

  3. ASK A FEW: Based on the lyrics of the song, how would you describe Lovato’s attitude toward her ex boyfriend? Why?

  4. ASK A FEW: Do you think Lovato’s strategy for dealing with her ex is a wise and healthy one? Why or why not? (Leaders – Amongst other things, it’s probably NOT a good idea to walk up to someone on the street and give them the finger.)

  5. ASK A FEW: Have you ever had a romantic relationship come to an end? If so, could you describe what aspects you managed strongly and what aspects you manage poorly?

  6. ASK A FEW: How do you think God wants us to treat the other person after a breakup? Why?

  7. Read the following passage:

      Colossians 3:5-14

      Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

  8. ASK A FEW: What are the things Paul says to “put to death” in this passage in verse 5? Why does he use such strong language concerning these things?

  9. ASK A FEW: What are some of the things Paul says to “rid ourselves of” in this passage in verse 8? How easy or difficult is that for you?

  10. ASK A FEW: When you break up with someone, how prone are you to attitudes and actions such as anger, malice, rage, slander, filthy language, impurity, and evil desires? Why is that?

  11. ASK A FEW: Likewise, what does Paul tell us to “clothe” ourselves with in this passage in verse 12? How easy is that after a breakup?

  12. ASK A FEW: Why would Paul say “over all these virtues” to put on love? Why is that such a big deal?

  13. ASK A FEW: In the song, Lovato sings over and over again that she “really doesn’t care” about her ex and any pain he might go through. Why, according to this passage, would God disagree with her about her response to her ex?

  14. ASK A FEW: Does God still care about Demi’s ex? How about your ex? How should this shape our response to our exes?

  15. ASK A FEW: What happens when we respond to an ex out of malice, rage, anger, slander, and evil desires? What could happen if we responded to them out of compassion, love, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, and patience?

  16. AROUND THE CIRCLE: How will you apply the Bible’s teaching to your relationship?

Wrap Up:
If I’ve learned one thing in this discussion, it’s this: Demi Lovato can be tough in the aftermath of a breakup. In her song
Really Don’t Care, she prescribes pulling out all the stops. She doesn’t care that he’s in pain, or if she talks meanly about him…and she’s even willing to give him the finger after it’s all over.

She truly lives up to her song’s title: she really doesn’t care.

The only problem with that is this: God still cares about that person. God still loves that person as His child. God still wants the best for that person.

Likewise, God wants the best for you because He cares about you, as well. That means, He doesn’t want you running around talking mean things or gossiping about your ex. He doesn’t want you to have a calloused heart toward them. And He certainly doesn’t want you giving them the finger.

Because God wants the best for us, He gives us plenty of ideas for handling broken promises and broken hearts in His Word. He tells us to continue to carry ourselves in love toward the other person, even if they treated us in a very unloving manner. He tells us to be kind and compassionate, as well.

I know that sounds difficult…and maybe even a little crazy. But where does it get you if you choose to run the other person down, be mean to them, or treat them just as hatefully as they treated you? Doesn’t it make you like them instead of like God?

The best advice I have for you is to care about that person while you’re in a relationship with him or her, and if it ends, to still care about that person in the aftermath. Yes, your care will look totally different, but it’s care nonetheless.

Regardless of what Demi says, you should still care because God still cares. Let’s pray now and ask God to help us do what He commands in His Word.

Close in Prayer

Written by David R Smith


Jonathan McKee

Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.

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