Was it You?

For this skit, you will need 5 actors. The lead actor is the General. He needs to be an overbearing, loud, and big guy.

The scene opens with soldiers standing in line. A General is in front of his troops (facing the same way as them with his back to them) giving silly orders.

Script:

General:

• Atten Hut!

(soldiers behind him snap to attention.)

• Alright maggots, there are several things that are crucial for you to remember if you want to have a pleasant stay at Camp HELLingsworth. The first is the proper way to refer to me. When I say something to you, you respond with, “Yes, Master.” Got it?!

All Soldiers: Yes Master!

General: Good. Now, let’s talk about hygiene. You will take showers daily using soap! My drill sergeants will ensure that your bar of soap is getting smaller each day. Got it?!

All Soldiers: Yes Master!

General: Good. Now about contraband. You are not permitted to have any homemade cookies, portable PlayStations, Kelly Clarkson CDs, skateboards. (interrupted by last soldier sneezing). WHO WAS THAT?!!! (All of the soldiers in the line slowly back up a step, one by one.)

General: OK I guess we’re gonna have to do this the hard way! (General approaches the first soldier and leans in) Was it you?

Soldier #1: No Master!! (General shoots the first soldier and immediately goes to Soldier #2.)

General: (leaning in again) Was it you?

Soldier #2: No master! (General shoots the second soldier and immediately goes to Soldier #3.)

General: (leaning in) Was it you?

Soldier #3: No Master! (General shoots the third soldier and goes to Soldier #4.)

General: (leaning in) Was it you?

Soldier #4: (timidly) Yes Master.

General: God Bless You.