Main Point: Sex is a HUGE topic in youth culture, but it’s often addressed from an ungodly point of view. God should get a chance to weigh in on the subject; after all, it was His invention.
Discussion Starter: Men and Women Should…
This discussion starter should prove to be a little fun, but more importantly, get students talking about the differences between men and women. It’ll provide a great segue into a discussion on sex.
Stand up front and designate one side of the room as the “agree side,” and the other side of the room as the “disagree side.”(You may want to label them on butcher paper, or something similar.) Tell students to stand up. Inform them that you’re going to make a statement and then, they will have to walk to the one side of the room, showing whether they agree or disagree with the statement.
should always wear dresses.
should wait for men to open the door for her.
should only have sex when she is married.
can cry when Mufasa dies in the Lion King.
can have sex after a certain time period in a relationship.
should be kinder and gentler than a man.
can have sex with a person as long as he tells her he loves her.
should like sports.
can get revenge when wronged.
can brag about his sexual experiences with women.
should buy a woman flowers on a regular basis.
doesn’t have to love the person he has sex with.
should never shave his legs.
should finish having sex with a girl even if the girl changes her mind and doesn’t want to half way through.
NOTE: When going through the agree/disagree statements, don’t be afraid to ask “Why?” on a few of them.
If you couldn’t tell, a lot of those statements had to do with sex. As it turns out, all of you have an opinion about sex, whether it’s from a man’s perspective or a woman’s perspective. My question is: Where did you get that opinion? You see, sex is HUGE in our culture. It’s everywhere…embedded in music, celebrated in movies and television, sold in pornography and prostitution, and so on. But rarely do we give God a chance to weigh in on the subject and that’s a shame because sex was His idea. So let’s spend the next few minutes looking at God’s Word to see what it has to say about sex.
Divide into Small Groups:
Let’s go ahead and split up into our discussion groups, and then afterward we’ll come back together for a final word.
CLICK HERE for a quick training article on how to maximize your small groups using our small group format—a great resource to equip your small group leaders.
- AROUND THE CIRCLE: As we get started, let’s all take a second to share our names and the best word that describes the opposite sex.
- ASK A FEW: Were any of you surprised by our group’s stance on these issues? Why or why not?
- ASK A FEW: Each of you had to agree or disagree with every statement made about sex and gender. What helped you make up your mind about those issues? In other words, what resources did you use in making a decision about whether to agree or disagree?
- ASK A FEW: What do you think guys want from sex? How about girls?
- ASK A FEW: Do guys manipulate girls (and vice versa) to get what they want from one another?
- ASK A FEW: In your own words, what is our culture’s message about sex?
- ASK A FEW: What do you think God has to say about sex?
Read the following passage:
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NIV)
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Our culture has a lot to say about sex. Most of you knew that. What you didn’t know was that the Bible has lots to say about sex, as well. Hopefully, what you discovered tonight is that the Bible’s message about sex is very different than what the world says about sex.
For instance, the Bible makes it clear that premarital sex is wrong. If you’re honest with yourself, that’s probably a little hard for some of us to hear. Maybe it’s because we want to have sex right away; maybe it’s because we already have had sex. Maybe it’s because we really want to do life God’s way, but we know it will be difficult.
The bottom line I want you to walk away with is this: God’s standard for your sex life is sanctification. He wants your sex life to be holy. Now think about that for a second! God wants to be involved in your sex life. In fact, He has a game plan already established for it. Is that surprising to you…a little?
God wants you to enjoy sex, but the reality is, you can only do that if you do it His way. If we try to cut corners and use pornography or live promiscuously or give in to sexual immorality, there are consequences to face. On the other side of the same coin: if you and the person you marry are committed to living God’s way in every facet of your lives – including sex – then you will be greatly blessed.
Sex is a great thing— but only if it’s enjoyed the way God intended it to be.
OPTIONAL: Street Corner Parable (use this to further make your point, if need be)
I drive a Nissan Quest mini-van…not exactly a glamorous ride! I mean, what is a mini-van good for anyway? It’s good for this: loading up your 2.6 kids and your dog, backing out of your garage, closing your automatic garage-door opener as you pass your white picket fence, and scoot down the road toward the grocery store. As you exit the grocery store you load your groceries into the rear storage area of the vehicle. You load your children back into the van, as well, checking that all safety restraints have been firmly fastened. Then you drive safely back home where you open your automatic garage door and pull in smoothly, so you can unload groceries, kids and your dog. That’s what a mini-van is for.
But let’s say I want to change the purpose of a mini-van.
If I were driving my mini-van down the street and looked off to the right, I might notice a curb and on the other side of the curb, a steep embankment. That embankment descends a rocky path to a muddy field below which attracts four wheel drive vehicles from all over the state. Let’s say I decided, “Hey- I want to go four wheeling!” So I yank the steering wheel to the right, swerving off the road, hitting the curb and dropping down the rocky path toward the bottom. As the mini-van bounces down the hill, raising dust and debris the whole way, my front fender hits some rocks and falls off, getting dragged underneath. The mirror hits a branch and hangs loosely, and the van starts to slide sideways, finally flipping the rest of the way down the hill. As it comes to a final rest – on it’s side – I crawl out of the broken windshield and look at my ride. It’s crumpled up like a raison; its bumper is gone, both mirrors are broken off, only one window remains and the drive shaft is still hanging in that tree 40 feet back up the hill.
People who were following me up on the road and saw me swerve off the road would stop and probably look down the embankment past the settling dust at the crumpled mini-van at the bottom of the hill and yell, “What did you swerve off the road for?”
I would yell back up to them, “Because I wanted to go four wheeling in my mini-van!”
They would yell back to me, “You are an idiot!”
I would yell back, “What- you are saying there are rules to what I can and can’t do with my mini-van? Can’t I drive off a cliff if I want to? Why does there have to be rules to what I can do?”
God has given us a wonderful gift to enjoy- the gift of sex. He gave it to us as an awesome thing that we can share in a marriage. It’s fun. It feels great. It makes us feel closer to the one we love. But when we exploit this gift- when we use it in a way that it wasn’t intended- then consequences result. If we think we can just do whatever we want- be prepared- we might be headed for a wreck!
Close in Prayer
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Bullying Breakthrough; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on TheSource4YM.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.