Top 10 List

Top 10 lists are sometimes fun ways to open a topic. These are best done “David Letterman” style, on PowerPoint, read one at a time.

Top 10 Things A Guy Doesn't Want to Hear On A First Date

10. I shaved my sideburns for this date.
9. Do you care if my great grandma comes along?
8. You call that a burp?
7. This is my fifth date today.
6. My dad is in jail for assaulting the last guy I went out with.
5. The doctor says that I will be legally sane after 3 more years of counseling.
4. This is my imaginary friend Mr. Boom Boom.
3. The cat food I ate for lunch is just not settling right.
2. My friends were right, you are a loser.
1. Can I have your best friend's phone #?

Top 10 Things A Girl Doesn't Want to Hear On A First Date

10. What I'm looking for is someone who shares my passion for polka music.
9. Hope you don't mind, I insist that you pay.
8. I think we're wearing the same color nail polish.
7. These are the same socks my dad wore on his first date.
6. I can shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
5. Hope you haven't seen Barney on Ice yet.
4. Hey, let's talk only in Elvish on this date.
3. I brought my teddy bear because movie theatres are dark places.
2. Pull my finger.
1. Don't worry, I can outrun these cops.

Top 10 Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Person

10. Pet name for you is jerk-whad.
9. Valentine's gift to you was dental floss.
8. Christmas gift to you was also dental floss.
7. You spent your prom in a headlock.
6. You have bribed them to shower more than 5 times.
5. They took you to Sam's Club (or Costco’s) for free samples on your birthday.
4. Parents refer to them as “that person we want gone.”
3. They hide weapons around the house.
2. They are part of a government strange rash and odor study.
1. Two words: from Wisconsin (or your neighboring state).

All the above written by Jason Schmock