Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (6/11/2013)

Rated R for strong fantasy horror violence and gore, brief sexuality/nudity and language.

Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen

Directed by Tommy Wirkola

No doubt about it Hansel & Gretel was the worst movie I’ve seen so far this year, and yes, I know it’s only February.

In this spin on the fairy tale, Hansel & Gretel are now bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

Okay, first things first. This fairytale is not a bedtime story for kids. In fact, sometime in late January it’s rating went from PG-13 to R. Honestly I missed that news story and went into what I thought was a PG-13 movie…boy was I surprised. The opening sequence was scarier and more graphic than I expected. But when the F-bombs started flying around, I grabbed my phone and checked the rating on IMDb.com.

I found out later that writer Adam Chitwood said in an interview that there were two versions of the film to test how much violence to include. “The discrepancies between the cuts may have been a result of the studio trying to see if audiences prefer a more graphic version of the fairy tale over a tame cut,” Chitwood said.

I for one believe that was a mistake.

I’m really not in favor of the F-word being thrown around. But in films like End of Watch and Django they “fit.” What I mean is, you believe the characters would talk like that. I really don’t believe, nor do I want to, that childhood characters like Hansel & Gretel, Snow White, Cinderella and others would drop the F-bomb like Quentin Tarantino.

The violence is gratuitous and relentless. Hansel & Gretel do more than just kill witches…they decapitate them, cut them into pieces and shoot them with guns, arrows, and other objects that have bloody aftermaths. Then there’s the stuff they would just do to humans. One man is yanked apart by all his limbs?and another is poisoned, causing him to explode all over the pub and the people inside.

And if that’s not enough to keep you away, there is the really bad CGI troll and the cliché “witches screams” that are so annoying I actually thought about sticking popcorn in my ears. I’m pretty sure I heard one witch scream, “I’m melting.”

An R-rated horror-action-comedy fairy tale? Nope not for me…I say it’s a “Coaster.”

SHOULD KIDS SEE IT?
No. This “children’s story” has all the bad elements: sex, nudity, violence, gore and profanity.

In one scene, Hansel and a woman are naked in a pool, we see the woman’s bare butt and breast. Once in the pool, the woman comes over to him and they begin to kiss. It is discretely implied that after they had sex.

I’ve already discussed the violence and there are about 6 F-words and derivatives, and 10-15 other obscenities.

CONVERSATION STARTER

1. What motivated Hansel & Gretel to embark on their life long journey?


2. Is revenge a good motivator? Why or why not?


3. Read Genesis 50:20
   
   You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
   
   How could this verse help you or someone you know process a hurtful life-experience?


4. Read I Peter 3:9
   
   Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
   
   Instead of revenge what does this verse tell us about how God wants us to live?


5. What is a specific way you can repay someone who has hurt you with a “blessing” this week?