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 | Jonathan’s Resource Ezine |
Weekly Resources, Ideas and Articles from The Source for Youth Ministry
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
| In This Issue |
- YOUR MINISTRY MISTAKES. Take a look at some of the costly mistakes and their unforseen consequences that you shared with us. "Learn from the mistakes of others"
- NEW URL. Did you notice our new URL?
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| YOUR MINISTRY MISTAKES. Take a look at some of the costly mistakes and their unforseen consequences that you shared with us. "Learn from the mistakes of others" |
August 5, 2003
It was fun reading the responses that you all sent in. I think I would divide the results into 3 different catagories:
- Actual unforseen consequences . . . "Whoa, now I know not to do that again!"
- Ooops . . . "I should have known that in the first place!"
- People sometimes complain, whine, or get angry even when we DON’T make a mistake!
PYRO YOUTH LEADER
I have been the regular, unofficial, volunteer youth pastor for seven years now. I like to call it my spare time job, and unfortunately, the administration and management of the group falls into this category too. I took my kids on a campout about four years ago (one of the first campouts in this spare-time ministry). By the Holy Spirit’s leading, or just an excuse to spend some money on the youth, I went ahead and purchased a first-aid kit, thinking, “Hmmm, the church could sure use one of these.” Well, wouldn’t you know . . . we got carried away in the moment trying to get the uncooperative campfire started, we decided to try using some of the Coleman fuel. Very bad idea. The volunteer leader, the former boy scout, thought it might work. Well, one thing led to another, the campfire lit, the fire climbed up the fuel that we were tossing on it, the can caught fire. It got thrown to the ground, spraying drops of lit fuel around the campsite, which by the way, was surrounded by twenty excited, on looking youth. One girl got a small burn, but enough to scare our britches off! Thank the Lord we had a first-aid kit! Needless to say, safety became one of the highest priorities for all activities real quick, and thus began the process of medical releases for our little spare-time, unofficial ministry. ~David~ Dallas, TX
LESSON LEARNED: Don’t light a campfire with fuel!!! And always have the following: permission slips, first aid kid, youth leaders without a death wish . . .
THE SOURCE RESOURCES: Check out a sample permission slip on our "Logistical Crud" page: https://thesource4ym.com/logicrud/
HORNDOG STUDENT LEADER
We took a bunch of high school students to “Creationfest” and had a young man who we took as a “student leader”. When we got there he turned into a “women seeking missile” and all of our talks with all the kids about no public diplays of affection (PDA) went right out the window. Kids were asking, “If the student leader is doing it, why can’t I”? The girl he ended up with was a “Hooter girl” and quite proudly displayed half nude pictures of her and an x-boyfriend. ~Kelly~ Juneau, AK. LESSON LEARNED: Screen student leaders better. Spend time talking to student leaders about the importance of living our lives as an example to other students.
THE SOURCE RESOURCES: Check out sample student leader application, commitment sheets and mentor application on our "Logistical Crud" page:
https://thesource4ym.com/logicrud/
Check out Jonathan’s book for an entire chapter on developing student leaders:
https://thesource4ym.comhttp://www.jonathansresources.com/Books/default.aspx
DO YOU NEED A HAND?
As a junior high youth pastor finding games that are new and exciting is a constant challenge. I thought I had found a great game using one of the most useful tools around, duct tape. I now don’t even remember what the object of the game was, I just remember that they were to tape two of their team mates together back to back. I explained the rules of the game and left one of my other leaders to supervise while I got the next game organized. My mistake was that I forgot to tell that leader to remind the kids not to tape down their team mates arms, and to just tape their bodies together. Well, my mistake resulted in a broken jaw, when one of the pairs toppled over and the girl didn’t have any arms to stop herself. My mistake resulted in a VERY angry mom, and the loss of both that girl and her group of friends who were no longer able to attend. ~Brandi~ Brampton, Ontario
LESSON LEARNED: Don’t put kids in situations where their "hands are tied." Literally!
DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME!
I was taking the leaders from the youth group to a leadership camp like I have every summer for the past 3 summers. This year was a little different because I had to send one of my students to wk 1 while the rest of us went to wk 2 due to a conflict with her schedule. I knew for a fact that the camp was over on Friday yet someone in the church told me they were positive without a shadow of a doubt that the camp was over on Sat. So I, for some reason, took their word w/o question. When Friday rolled around at 2 p.m. I had a girl on the other end of the phone crying her eyes out because she was the only one at the camp and she had been forgotten. I also had a mom who was wondering where her daughter was and why I allowed such a tragedy to happen. I truly felt like trash and will carry that experience with me for the rest of my life. I am still working on her mom, as she was not a happy camper, understandably. ~Zac~ Ada, Oklahoma
LESSON LEARNED: When in doubt, check it out. (I kinda sounded like Johnny Cochran right there huh?)
MOM SAID I COULD!
We planned a trip to downtown Portland to tour a mission ship that was there. Our mistake was in not getting permission slips from the kids. We picked one girl up at her apartment and we all had a great and safe time downtown. When we got back to the church a pair of irate parents were waiting. They saw a flier about the activity in their daughter’s room. Turns out the girl got another of our girls to lie for her about where we were going and she was not allowed to go downtown because of some past problems. I had an angry father both in my face and the face of the girl who had lied (totally out of character for her). The girl whose parents showed up never came back to our youth group.
Always talk to parents and get permission slips! (especially new kids and where you don’t know the parents!) ~Shirley~ Milwaukie, Oregon
LESSON LEARNED: Get permission slips every time you go anywhere other than your weekly meeting place.
THE SOURCE RESOURCES: Check out a sample permission slip on our "Logistical Crud" page: https://thesource4ym.com/logicrud/
THE "UNFORESEEN" VIOLATION OF 23 TRAFFIC LAWS
Soon after arriving into my first full time ministry position, I scheduled an all-nighter. On the way to our second activity, I thought it would be fun to race another youth worker, with youth in our cars (no church vans). I ended up running a red light and was furiously chased by another car. I figured the car was an off-duty cop or some super-citizen. For several miles I tried to lose the car, (slowing down-speeding up-sudden turns-fake turn offs), but this car was determined. I realized that the driver wasn’t a super-citizen when he tried to run me off the road. After a mile of this, he stayed within inches of my door, rolled down his window and started trying to punch through our window. I wasn’t sure what would happen next, so I had the other youth worker in my car start praying. About 5 seconds later, they drove off and we were able to join the rest of our group. I often think about what the youth in my car were thinking as I was breaking law after law. Through this I definitely learned how to be responsible and accountable for someone other than myself. I just soiled myself in the process. ~Nick~ Colorado
LESSON LEARNED: Don’t violate traffic laws, get in car chases, and endanger the lives of everyone in the car! And . . . prayer works, even when we’re idiots!
THE SOURCE RESOURCES: Now that you need a new job, check out Chicago’s classifieds . . . under "cab driver!"
CHASING THIRD DAY, AND GETTING THE THIRD DEGREE!
I took a group of kids to a Third Day concert, and afterward we were trying to meet the band. It was just me with three students–a freshman, a sophomore, and an 8th grader.
After waiting outside for a while, the security there convinced us that the band had left in an SUV that had just pulled away. They gave us the name of the hotel the band was staying in and wished us luck. We decided, what the heck.
Our adventure took us to a fast-food-place, a supermarket where we saw an SUV, and finally the hotel where two of us checked out different floors while two kids stayed in the van and ate. Of course, we did not find anyone. So we left and I dropped each student off at their home before returning the van and going home myself.
The next morning at church, I was pulled aside by “my boss,” who informed me that he had a phone call from very angry parents that morning about the night’s activities. The story he got was that we were “carousing hotels in the city” (we live in a rural farming area an hour from the arena) and that I had left the “children” unattended in the van while “running through hotels.”
I spoke with the parents who were upset, and they informed me they had no longer had any trust in me because their child could have been “snatched” while I was “chasing my fantasy.” (I am a 30-something married female.) I apologized, told them I was sorry for any lost trust, and that I would never knowingly place any of my students in danger. I also told them it was a mistake, not my first and certainly not my last. They said all was forgiven, but it would take a while for them to have trust in me again in situations like this.
Incidentally, the other two sets of parents were totally fine with what happened. The 8th grader’s parents said it was like an adventure for him, and he had a riot.
What I learned from this experience is that not everyone sees things from the same perspective. What was intended to be a little adventuresome fun could, in fact, have turned out differently. I’m fortunate and thankful that it didn’t! ~Youth Gal from Michigan~
LESSON LEARNED: Phone parents for permission before altering the agenda of the original activity (because, yes, different parents do see things from different perspectives). Also, keep the group together in public places.
NO BACK UP PLAN
I had been working at a church (my first church I might add) for about 4 months. It was finally warming up and we decided to do an outdoor activity. The plan, we would leave right after church on Sunday morning…We were going to go get pizza at a local restaurant and then go ride go-karts after that…pretty plain and simple right? Well you know the saying, when it rains, it pours. It rained all morning and continued to rain throughout the day. We went to eat hoping it would stop raining enough to go ride the karts…no go. So we decided for plan B…go to see a movie.
Well we got there right after the afternoon matinee had started, and we knew we couldn’t wait until the next showing of The Lion King started…Oh wait, there was one more movie playing…and it’s star, Robin Williams…I thought, hey, Robin Williams, good clean fun right? I never thought to look at the rating…DUH!! So needless to say, we paid our fee bought our popcorn and headed inside… and the rest is history. BAD FILM!
I went back and humbly told the senior pastor what we did (did I mention groveled and begged for forgiveness) and what was his response. He laughed about it and said just be more careful next time…You gotta love rookie mistakes! ~Matt~ Jackson, OH
LESSON LEARNED: Don’t take kids to movies you haven’t screened.
RESOURCE: www.screenit.com
BAD ILLUSTRATION
While teaching the High School Sunday School class I made the mistake of using one of the student’ s parents as a hypothetical example. I said, “Suzy, Imagine having to live in a situation where your dad was beating your mom…” That afternoon the phone rang and “mom” gave me one of the worse verbal “beatings” I have ever received. She was afraid that rumors would start that she was being abused and told me they would never again attend our church. After 30 minutes of begging, pleading, and crying, the parents forgave me. ~P.C.~ Illinois
LESSON LEARNED: Use hypotheticals for stories.
FAREWELL TO ARMS
A couple years ago, we were hanging around waiting for more kids to arrive at youth group, when one of my leaders had a great idea. He set up some plastic toy bowling pins, and grabbed one of the kids’ skateboards. “Human bowling!”, he shouted, and proceeded to lay on the board and push his way towards the pins. The kids thought it was pretty funny, so one of them asked to try it. Under my breath I commented that maybe this was something we should do downstairs in the gymnasium. Meanwhile my leader says, “watch this” as he gives the boy on the board a mighty push towards the pins. As if in slow motion, we all realized at the same time that there was a pair of glass doors only a couple feet beyond the pins. The kid wiped out the pins (strike!), then put out his arms to brace the impact with the doors.
His arms broke the glass and went through. But the glass above which had not been broken, slid down the door frame like a guillotine towards his exposed arms. It stopped in the frame just as it reached his limbs. We were all frozen, but miraculously (of course) the boy was not harmed at all. We could have cut off his arms at the elbows that night, but he was perfectly fine. ~Dairn~ Burnaby, BC
LESSON LEARNED: Look around for potential "breakables" before doing physical activities.
NOTE FROM JONATHAN: Was it just me, or did you almost soil yourself when you read about the glass coming down!!!! Oh man!!!!
SHARING TOO MUCH
The biggest mistake I’ve made so far was requesting prayer on our church’s e-mail circle for some personal financial problems my husband and I have been having. This wasn’t wrong in and of itself, but I went into WAY too much detail, and I did it in panic mode! Now people are saying “They can’t even handle their personal finances!” I made myself and my husband look bad, as if we are setting a bad example of leadership by not being good stewards of our money, and as if our board can’t select good leadership according to I Timothy 3.
What I’ve learned from this, first of all, is that as LEADERSHIP, we can’t just blurt our problems out there to just anybody. Next time, I will go privately to the Pastor himself or to our Leadership Committee and ONLY request prayer from them – and nobody else needs to know anything about our personal situation. ~Tonya Berry~ Columbus, OH
LESSON LEARNED: Use discretion when bearing your personal details to all. And don’t send emails when in "panic" mode.
WRONG GUESS
Last Summer in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan in Canada, I asked my Senior Pastor if the church could pay for half the ticket price of a school play that was a fund raiser. He agreed and asked how much will it cost. The tickets are $8 per person and approximately 20 teens with attend that night for a total of $80 the church would cover.
That Friday we announced the play and the discount. 54 teens showed up and we had to cover more then $250. Despite the good attendance, our Pastor was not impressed. ~Joel~ Moose Jaw, CANADA
NOTE FROM JONATHAN: I don’t know if I’d call this a mistake. I had a buddy who volunteered for a church. He did pretty well financially, so he wasn’t worried about a few bucks here and there. That’s why he told the "approximately 20 kids in his youth group" that he’d pay for any of their friends that they brought to an upcoming outreach event. He had a heart for evangelism and wanted to see a bunch of outreach kids there. 94 kids showed up! Yes, it cost him $1480 dollars. But they all heard the Gospel that night and a few gave their lives to Christ.
LOST JOSH
Any time our group goes walking downtown in a big city, I always make sure I post a sponsor at the back of the group to make sure we don’t have any kids lagging behind. I never forget to do this — until this year in Atlanta. We were moving through a crowd of hundreds (maybe thousands) of commuters. I counted several times to make sure we had everyone. But I kept coming up one short. Laura, a sponsor standing beside me, assured me I must be counting wrong. About 3-4 blocks later we arrived at the bus and counted with everyone standing still. We were one short. Who were we missing. And then I heard the name — Josh.
Ugh! Of all kids, the youngest most easily distracted student in the group (and the one whose parents would most likely kill me). I ran down the streets of Atlanta as fast as I could, endangering myself and the other sponsor who was trying to keep up with me. I came to a standstill at a major road and scanned the crowd. Then Laura spotted him standing in the middle of a crowd on the opposite side of the street. He couldn’t hear our yelling because of the traffic, but we caught up with him when the light finally changed.
He explained that he got into a conversation with the back of someone’s head. He thought it was his friend Austin, until the kid turned around and he realized the rest of the group was nowhere to be found. To his credit, he talked with a policeman and ultimately decided it was best to stand and wait in the place where he lost the group until we came back to get him. Whew, a close shave, and another one that multiplied horror in the retelling when he returned home. But, at least I survived. ~Pete~
LESSON LEARNED: One staff in the front, one staff in the back. And if you come up short on a count- count again!!!
Also- have an emergency number the kids can call. In this day and age of cell phones, we should have one on us, and every kid should have the number.
MAD MALL MOM
On a Tuesday morning, 9:00 a.m. we left in three vehicles (church van, and two parents driving mini vans) to go to the “big cool mall” in downtown Houston, which was about 45 minutes away from the church. We went to the mall, wandered, etc. Everyone was supposed to meet back at the vans or the mall entrance (and then walk across the street where we were parked) at 3:00 p.m. for the return trip. My two adults had all their kids, I looked around in my van and asked if everyone was here and got a “yes, everyone’s here” reply. We headed back.
About halfway back, I got a call on my cell phone from the parent of one of the kids (a 6th grade boy who had brought a friend and first-time visitor along with him) asking where they were supposed to meet us. After the moment of panic passed, I was taking the next exit to turn around and get them. The mother was too panicky herself to be mad at that point.
The friend who came with the kid I left, his mom worked at the mall, so they had gone to her store when they couldn’t find us. That’s where all the calls had originated from. The end result was that the mom took off work an hour early to take the kids home because they had to be at a ball game before I could have gotten back to pick him up and get back to the church. When I got back to the church, basically everyone knew what had happened (word travels fast in a small church) and most of the parents were laughing at me. A couple said “if it had been any other kid, it wouldn’t be a big deal.” A couple said “I kind of wish it had been my kid you left…”
It gets worse. The next morning the mom came in to find out how it happened. After literally 30 minutes of non-stop raving where she basically attacked every detail of the event from parking across the street and crossing what she termed “the most dangerous intersection in Houston” and several other details, she was completely unhappy with any apology or explanation I could give her. She and her husband wrote a complaint letter to the personnel committee which resulted in a new “permission slip” for any activity away from the church. ~Rob~
LESSON LEARNED: Have a buddy system and count kids before leaving a trip. Double protection.
WHAT? YOU DON’T LIKE MY UNDIES?
Two years ago we took our youth on a mission’s trip to Mexico. It was a great adventure for the Lord and we all had a wonderful time. To our surprise we had awesome accommodations. The boys in our group stayed at the church they had an upstairs apartment with shower and all amenities. My wife and I with another couple to our surprise got to stay in a very nice villa style home with all the girls. So far it sounds like everything is just wonderful!
Well to our surprise again, we were sharing the house with a team of guys from Norway. What could be so wrong with that you say? They were all good looking young men with personalities to match. Needless to say our girls were very impressed.
I thought things would be okay since they were on the fist floor and we were on the second with everything we needed to make living there complete. Did I mention they were from Norway? Although they had a wonderful love and passion for the Lord, they also had their customs. One morning I heard this shriek that sent me running out of our room to see which girl had fallen down the stairs or what huge bug had crawled in through the window. To what did my wondering eyes appear but 4 Norwegian boys in their underwear! I quickly had my girls back in their rooms and asked the leaders of their team to have them be a little more modest for the girl’s sake. He told me that for them it was normal and it was no big deal for them to run from room to room, even in mixed company.
So when you find yourself with some other teams from other countries ask about their customs and make sure you understand how they plan to work with you and yours. ~Larry~ Tacoma, WA.
LESSON LEARNED: Don’t let your guys stay with the Norwegian girls! (Seriously though, any of our Norwegian readers care to comment? I’m sure that American boys never do anything wrong!) 🙂
CUSTOM PAINT JOB
I recently took our youth on a Mission Trip to New Orleans. We were doing some much needed painting inside of a local church. I was so proud to see our students giving of their time to go and serve others. Then I got the dreaded “Let me show you something” from the church maintenance man. As we walked outside, I thought he was going to show me some more areas that needed painting. Wrong. He did, however, show some things to me that were painted that shouldn’t have been. LIKE HIS NICE CHEVY TRUCK!!!
You see, I had instructed them to go out to the middle of the back parking lot and shake the excess water from their brushes/rollers after cleaning them off. What they actually did was walk out the back door, slam their brushes against a stairwell support beam, flinging paint (which wasn’t cleaned out of the rollers) all over the church and all over the maintenance man’s nice Chevy truck (God bless you, Jerry). He graciously told me it was no big deal and that he might be able to clean it off. He wanted the students to see what happened when they didn’t follow instructions. The guilty students apologized and I repeatedly apologized (the whole time we were there).
Fortunately, all of the paint cleaned off with some denatured alcohol. The lesson I learned – be very detailed in your instructions and walk them through the thing you are instructing them to do. Then make sure they are doing what you asked. Don’t assume they will do just as you asked. ~Andy~ Tennessee
LESSON LEARNED: You said it well Andy. When it comes to paint, walk them through what you’re instructing them to do.
RSVP? WHAT’S THAT
This could be considered a good news/bad news situation. . . When planning some fun events for our Summer program, we decided to do a day trip to a water park in a city about one and one-half hours away. Since all during the year I had about 12-15 students show up each week, and prior Summers the same or less, I assumed we would have maybe 10 students at the most. Our Church van was being used by another Ministry, so I had to rent a van. . .
Well, even with RSVP’s, etc, I was totally unprepared for the 25 students that showed up. Altho’ I had charged enough per student to cover the cost of admission and one van – the extra cost for renting another van (plus gas) and covering the chaperones (luckily, we had enough adults) – put us “in the hole” financially. PS Altho’ we only had the vans for one day – the rental company was trying to charge us for two. . . .We took the vans on Saturday, and the company is closed on Sunday – I should have clarified that we only needed the vans on Sunday.
Moral: Stick to an RSVP date – maybe get deposits ahead of time from students AND be sure you are clear on ALL the details when renting vehicles!! ~Michelle~ Tucson, AZ
LESSON LEARNED: RSVP for all activities that require renting of vehicles, big budget, etc. And always triple communicate with rental companies about return times.
THAT’S IT. LESSONS THAT SOMEONE ELSE LEARNED FOR US . . . THE HARD WAY!
| NEW URL. Did you notice our new URL? |
If you’ve been by our web site lately, you might have noticed that we are sporting a new web address. Don’t worry, the old one still works, but everything is going to be pointing to our new URL: www.TheSource4YM.com
If you link us or have us bookmarked- note the new URL.
If you have any other youth ministry ideas you want to share, please email me at jon@thesource4ym.com
Jonathan speaks at schools, camps, and youth events all over the U.S. He also trains youth workers and student leaders at national conferences and seminars. Check out Jonathan’s speaker page and who’s recommending him!
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KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
God Bless,
Jonathan R. McKee
THE SOURCE
for Youth Ministry
www.TheSource4YM.com
Jonathan McKee
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on TheSource4YM.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.