Colonel Von Washbucket

Colonel von Washbucket

The setting for this skit is at a movie set. There are only two actors, the Movie Director and the Actor. It would be great to just pull the actor out of the crowd as though it were really impromptu, even though the Actor has rehearsed it several times and is in on the skit.

Movie Director: “I need a man to help me with my new movie, Colonel von Washbucket.” (Movie Director then picks the volunteer.) “Okay. Here’s what you have to do. I will say, ‘Tinkle, tinkle in the bushes,’ and you will reply ‘Halt! Who goes there?’ to which I respond, ‘It is I, Colonel von Washbucket.’ You will say, ‘Show me your credentials,’ and I will show them to you. Then you will tell me to pass over the bridge. Clear?”

Actor: “Yeah, I think I get it.”

Movie Director: “Okay, let’s try.” (walks out of view)… “Tinkle, tinkle in the bushes!”

Actor: “Hahaha there’s a guy peeing in the bushes!”

Movie Director: “No! I’m not really peeing in the bushes! That’s just your cue to say, ‘Halt! Who goes there?'”

Actor: “Oh, I get it. I’ll get it this time.”

Movie Director: “Tinkle, tinkle in the bushes!”

Actor: “Halt! Who goes there?”

Movie Director: “It is I, Colonel von Washbucket.”

Actor: “Show me your dentures.”

Movie Director: “Alright, hold on, I will show you…hey! Wait a minute! Its show me your CREDENTIALS, not dentures!”

Actor: “Sorry, I forgot. I knew it was something like that.”

Movie Director: “You better get it right this time. Tinkle, tinkle in the bushes!”

Actor: “Halt! Who goes there?”

Movie Director: “It is I, Colonel von Washbucket.”

Actor: “Show me your credentials.”

Movie Director: (shows piece of paper)

Actor: “Whoa! Who’s she? She’s ugly!”

Movie Director: “Hey! That’s my girlfriend! Listen, I’m giving you one last chance to tell me to pass over that bridge! You better get this right! Tinkle, tinkle in the bushes!”

Actor: “Halt! Who goes there?”

Movie Director: “It is I, Colonel von Washbucket.”

Actor: “Show me your credentials.”

Movie Director: (shows piece of paper)

Actor: “Okay, place the clover on the fridge?”

Movie Director: “Forget it” (walks off).

Idea by Jared B.