| TheSource4YM.com | |
 | Jonathan’s Resource Ezine |
Weekly Resources, Ideas and Articles from The Source for Youth Ministry
Tuesday, November 7, 2000
| In This Issue |
- Small Groups… or are they? The Often-neglected Basics of Running Effective Small Groups
- Bettering Your Small Groups: The Latest Research from Jonathan on Small Groups
| If you aren’t a subscriber of this EZINE and would like to subscribe – it’s free – just pop on www.TheSource4YM.com and sign up in the upper right hand corner. |
| Small Groups… or are they? The Often-neglected Basics of Running Effective Small Groups |
Let’s cut to the chase. Do you want a ministry tool that can provide the following?
- * A great way for students to get to know each other better.
* A way for staff to build strong relationships with students
* A stepping stone to accountability and mentor relationships.
* An environment in which individuals can be heard.
* An arena where students can interact with and learn from others who might be going through similar struggles or situations.
It’s that simple. In most small groups you don’t want to sit down, look at the kid sitting across the circle and ask “so what’s the biggest sexual sin you committed this week?” In 9 out of 10 small groups, I start with the question, “What is your name and your favorite kind of pizza?” I’ve never met a kid that didn’t want to answer that un-intimidating question. Then I ask another fun, non-embarrassing questions about the topic. Now kids have answered two easy questions and are in a positive momentum toward sharing answers. At this point, I slowly get deeper with my questions as students feel comfortable opening up.
- EXAMPLE (the topic: friendship)
1. Share your name and favorite kind of pizza.
2. Describe a good memory you have with a friend.
3. What qualities do you look for in a friend?
4. What qualities do you avoid in a friend?
5. Which of these qualities is something you might need to work on?
2. Create clearly defined boundaries, rules and expectations.
This doesn’t mean lay out the ten commandments the first time you meet, just voice your expectations- your direction. Many students have no clue what a small group is (many of US don’t know what a small group is), don’t assume they know. Tell them what you hope to accomplish. Communicate your expectations for attendance, for participation, and for conduct. I talk more about this in tip #2 below.
3. Aim for a clear purpose.
Frequently I ask youth workers what their purpose is for small groups. Many of them have trouble explaining exactly what their purpose is. Reason being, THEY DON’T KNOW! Know your purpose for your small groups. Do you want to simply provide an arena in which students can learn the material in a way other than from “up front?” If that’s the case, then your purpose would be the understanding of the material- your focus would be the topic. If your purpose is to deepen the relationships in the group, you might have a topic, but your purpose would be to provide a discussion that would motivate kids to open up and share their hearts with each other, increasing their level of trust and vulnerability with their small group members and leader.
4. LISTEN!
It’s simple . . . it’s basic . . . it’s often neglected, but it’s one of the most important reasons for even having a small group . . . to give student’s an opportunity to open up and feel heard. Notice I didn’t say “be heard”but “FEEL heard.” Steven Covey calls this type of listening “empathetic listening” in his book “7Habits of Highly Effective People.” Steven argues that this kind of listening is more than just “active listening,” repeating back what you heard, and communicating positive non-verbal signals. Empathetic listening seeks to understand the feelings and emotions behind the person. This is so very necessary in our work with teens. The walls that teens put up are often thick and hard to break open. A staff person who doesn’t “empathetically listen” can easily miss what’s really going on inside a teen.
5. Group Size Determines Outcome
Fact: As group size grows, impact shrinks. I’ll get a few e-mails about this one. But before your feathers all ruffled, think about it. The more people you have in a group, the less each individual has an opportunity to be heard. As the group size gets bigger, trust in the group gets smaller, and people will open up less. The less people open up, the less they will grow. Read more about this on Jonathan’s small group training page (link below) under “What the Heck is a Small Group?”
(5 ludicrous tips, each followed by the real answer)
1. Don’t have any small group rules! Let them talk all at once, thrash on each other and disrespect you.
Seriously folks! Introduce the small group as a time to express ourselves and hear from each other. But to do that we need two rules: Be honest & Respect others. I always tell the group that I’m looking forward to hearing from them, and then I get specific. I say “That means when Jenny is talking, we all listen. Then when we talk, Jenny’s going to listen to us!”
Part of respecting other members of the groups means being confidential with what’s shared in the group. Don’t be afraid to express this.
2. Don’t give everyone an opportunity to answer each question! As soon as a couple people speak out just move on to the next question.
Really now! Give everyone in the group an opportunity to respond to each question. After you ask a question- go around the circle and ask each person what they think? Some small group leaders like to affirm that it’s okay to “pass” or abstain from answering. I choose not to offer “passing” as an option. I find that if students know they can simply “pass,” it’s an easy way out of having to open up. If the subject matter is deep, then I make it a point to read non-verbal signals and make sure students aren’t put on the spot.
3. Talk a lot! Always finish their sentences for them and give long examples from your own life that illustrates the point you’re talking about.
Come on! You’ve got two ears and one mouth . . . use them proportionally. This isn’t our chance that we’ve been waiting for to PREACH to a captive audience (or an audience held captive in most cases) If your group is having trouble sharing or talking, don’t blabber on. Ask the question in a different way. Give examples of possible answers. Sometimes it helps if you answer first. Just answer as a member of the group- don’t start preaching. Remember, this is their opportunity to feel free to open up and feel heard!
4. Whip through the questions! See how fast you can finish your small group and get to free time.
Not a good idea! It’s not bad to allow someone to expand on a question. Ask why to some answers- there is no need to rush through answers. This isn’t a race to see who’s small group finishes first.
5. Don’t prepare a wrap up. Just share what you think of at the moment- besides, God will give you what you need to say.
Seriously! Prepare your wrap up as best as you can before hand (the wrap up may be done when you pull together as a large group- if that is your format) These groups are designed to raise questions and provide a direction for answers. We don’t want an unclear wrap up creating any more confusion. The wrap up should always point to the answer that God gives us as well as direction to find more about it. Being prepared doesn’t hinder the Spirit’s leading. I think the Holy Spirit is big enough to lead you when you prepare!
| Bettering Your Small Groups: The Latest Research from Jonathan on Small Groups |
November 7, 2000
What is a small group anyway?
What do the experts like Doug Fields have to say?
How do you handle growing numbers?
How many are too many?
Find out the answers to these questions as well as some basic steps on how to put this information to use on Jonathan’s Small Group Training Page!
See the second half of the above training!
https://thesource4ym.com/howdoi/staffhtrasg.asp
Jonathan McKee
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on TheSource4YM.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.