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Jonathan’s Resource Ezine |
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
- Youth Culture Window: In the Dark- A Sobering Peek into a Public High School Dance
- Prize Month: Get Connected and Win! October is Prize Month-Win Oakley’s, Books, Gospel Journey Curriculum, and more…
- Parenting Workshops: Jonathan is Teaching a Parenting Workshop This Saturday Night in Philly! Inquire About Bringing Jonathan to You
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The 16-year-old girl stepped out of the limo, careful to keep her dress from riding up any higher than it already rested on her upper thighs. Clasping her date’s hand, she stepped into the decorated school gym-an ocean theme.
The music pulsated so loudly that even her heartbeat soon surrendered to the rhythm, pumping in sync with the deafening subs. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. An instant later she found two of her friends in the crowd dancing with their boyfriends. The girls ran to greet each other.
Hugs. Smiles. Then a new song began.
Her friends grabbed the hands of their boyfriends, but didn’t turn to face them-instead they heard the lyrics insist “back it up, back it up,” and that’s just what her friends did. Their boyfriends smiled as they thrust against the girls from behind. Aside from the clothes, it was clear what was going on.
Following the lead of her friends, she did the same. Her date wrapped his arms around her front and she backed up, pushing herself against him, moving in a motion that would have made her blush in any other context, but the darkness and the safety of this crowd covered any embarrassment. Tonight this dark room was no place for second thoughts.
This is what he wants, she thought to herself. He’ll like me if I do this. He’ll notice me when I wear this. After all, if I don’t do this for him, there are a hundred other girls who are willing to.
Blame it on the music or the company she keeps or a dad who didn’t give his little daughter enough hugs. Regardless of the cause, another young girl has given up her innocence in exchange for a lie. It’s the norm to give your date a lap dance.
Sexualized
I’ve read dozens of articles and studies about the “sexualization” of today’s young girls. I’ve written about it and cited it in the media. But Saturday night I was surrounded by it. Literally hundreds of girls played the part our culture has written for them: Be a sex object.
I’ve always thought I had a pretty good finger on the pulse of youth culture. I know what goes on at school dances. After all the articles I’ve read on the subject, as well as the ones we’ve written on our own site, not to mention the plethora of MTV Video Music Award shows I’ve reviewed… I really didn’t think I could be shocked. But last night I was flabbergasted. It was sobering to see the effect of sexualization first hand- young girls with dresses so short that their underwear often peaked out from underneath, and literally hundreds of girls “backing up” into guys and rubbing up against them throughout the evening.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
A week ago a student from my kids’ high school called and asked if my wife Lori and I would chaperone the homecoming dance. “Sure,” I replied, intrigued with the opportunity to catch a glimpse inside a public school dance. Even though I volunteer with the junior high ministry at my church and frequently speak at camps and youth events, how often do I get to go on a public high school campus other than for my kids’ sports events? Probably only a few times a year.
I love opportunities like this-when all the research I’ve done actually takes a back seat in favor of a first-hand view from the front lines. It’s one thing to read the studies about what kids are listening to…it’s quite another to see them dancing to those songs.
In an interesting turn of events, the weekend before Lori and I chaperoned this dance, my daughter was invited to another public high school dance with some friends from our church. This group of friends was full of solid, responsible kids, so we said, “yes.”
Last week many of you read my blog about that “rite of passage” my daughter went through. The “warnings” printed on the dance ticket revealed volumes as to what goes on at these dances. Here are just a few or those warnings:
Students:
• Must maintain a 4 – 6 inch space from their partner
• May not engage in ‘leg wrapping’
• With the exception of feet, may not place body parts on floor
After the dance I asked my daughter and her friends what they experienced. All of them were surprised how many kids were “getting low” and “grinding.” (It’s funny… I’m trying to choose my terms wisely. How exactly do you say, “Sex with your clothes on”? Okay, I just said it.)
Being curious, I asked three of them- individually-what percentage of teenagers they saw dancing like that. Was this just a few friends, or a majority? Separately they each responded “over 50 percent.” One of my daughter’s friends said that a classmate even came up behind her and started “grinding” against her. She turned around and backed away, not sure what the protocol was for rejecting a boy trying to hump you from the rear.
My wife and I tried to prepare ourselves mentally for what we would see firsthand.
It didn’t work.
The Dance
Saturday night finally arrived…
October is Prize Month. We’re giving away a ton of prizes just for interacting with us on pages like our new Facebook page as well as Jonathan’s Twitter and Blog.
You Could Win Any of These Prizes:
• Your Choice of Any of Jonathan’s Books!
• Dare2Share’s Gospel Journey Maui Youth Group Curriculum!
• DVD’s like the inspirational movie, Amish Grace!
Here’s How to Win:
– Subscribe to Jonathan’s Twitter
– Subscribe to Jonathan’s Blog and make a comment! (If you aren’t a subscriber- then your name will be entered in the contest just for subscribing. If you already are-no worries. Any time you comment on Jonathan’s blog-one per blog entry-your name is entered in the contest again!)
That’s it! It’s that simple!
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Jonathan McKee
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on TheSource4YM.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.