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 | Jonathan’s Resource Ezine |
Weekly Resources, Ideas and Articles from The Source for Youth Ministry
Tuesday, January 19, 2001
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| Flipping Through Playboy Magazine A Word to Men from Steve Farrar |
January 19, 2001
Each week I have something for youth-workers. This week I want to address the men.
Steve Farrar, Author of “Point Man,” “Finishing Strong” and “Anchor Man,” encourages and challenges men through his books, and at Promise Keepers events nationally. More than that . . . Steve’s a great guy who cares about men and their relationship with God!
I asked Steve for a word of encouragement specifically to men in ministry. He gave me permission to use an few pages from his Book “Point Man.”
From Steve Farrar’s Book “Point Man”
Do You Remember the song “I Only Have Eyes For You”?
That should be the theme song of every Christian man in America. The very first line of the song captures the essence of what it means to be a one-woman kind of man – My love must be a special kind of blind love . . .
In the Old Testament Job put it this way. “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” (Job 31:1). Job is making a commitment to a special kind of blind love.
There is a difference, however, between seeing a beautiful woman and lusting after her. Job’s point is simply this. There is a difference between and look and a lustful look.
C. S. Lewis once said, “if you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” Whether it’s an attractive woman or a heaping plate of cholesterol, the principle is the same. There is a difference between looking and looking with lust.
A one-woman kind of man is a man who demonstrates his commitment by disciplining his eyes. We are all familiar with the guy who can’t walk on block without giving some woman the once-over from head to toe. He will even stop dead in his tracks in the flow of pedestrian traffic to turn and watch her as she goes by. Most of us are a little better socially adjusted than that.
A man who is committed with his eyes will avoid certain kinds of magazines and television programs. I’m writing this in a hotel room in Chicago, hundreds of miles from my wife and kids. A hotel room on the road can be a very dangerous place for a one-woman kind of man who is not prepared for battle.
When I bought a newspaper at the hotel gift shop this morning, it was surrounded by pornographic magazines with alluring covers. “Girls of the Southwest Conference!” Blazed the cover. If I don’t discipline my eyes and look away, I’m going to start wondering how those girls in the Southwest Conference are getting along. But I’m committed to a special kind of blind love. I must particularly cultivate that blindness away from home. I know I must do this because I know myself. And the self I know has a hard enough time even when I’m not away from home.
Years ago as a rookie pastor in my first church, I met with a group of guys every Tuesday night. After the meeting, I went with one of them to a local coffee shop. It was the coldest night of the year, and I was freezing so I did something I never do. I ordered a cup of hot coffee. . . at 200 AM I got up to see if there was an old movie on the tube. There wasn’t.
I was getting a little ticked by this time. I had read everything in the house, and there was nothing on TV. Then I got an idea. My subscription to Time had recently run out, and I decided to visit the local twenty-four hour convenience store to see if they had the new one. So off I went at 330 A.M. to find a Time magazine.
As I was looking for Time, I picked up Newsweek and flipped through it, then US News and World Report, and before I realized it I had picked up Playboy and was rapidly turning its pages. Suddenly I came to my senses and thought, What in the world am I doing? What if my wife were to see me doing this, or someone in my congregation? What kind of pastor would do something like this? I’m standing here like some kind of adolescent trying to get some jollies. I felt utterly ashamed as I put down that magazine. I looked around and saw no one else in the store but the clerk. I assure you that I had not planned to pick up that magazine when I went into that store. But I did it. I’d been picked off in a weak moment.
As I was preaching the next Sunday, one of my points dealt with integrity. I commented on how easy it is to teach the truth without applying it to your own life. My greatest fear is to fall into the trap of teaching the very thing I am disobeying. So I did something extreme. I told the congregation what had happened to me on Tuesday night. I told them the whole story. I asked them to forgive me for being such a poor example. And that extreme decision helped me to decide that I never wanted to have that kind of humiliating experience again.
I learned a valuable lesson from that situation. From that point on, I developed a plan as to how I would handle pornographic material before ever entering any store or newsstand. I had to have a plan in place to defeat the sexual temptation that comes to me through my eyes. I learned that I must anticipate and determine how I will act before I ever get into a tempting situation.
It was embarrassing to have to stand before my congregation and tell them what I had done. But I decided it was better to be embarrassed than to stand up there and preach a lie. I wanted to be honest with them and let them know that none of us are exempt from temptation at a weak moment. I wanted to be a one-woman kind of man. But in that situation, I wasn’t. I let my wife down.
A one-woman kind of man must have a predetermined plan fixed in his mind so he can withstand the sneak attacks of the enemy. We never know when we are going to be tempted with our eyes. That’s why the plan must be predetermined. We must anticipate a tempting situation in advance and decide beforehand how we will deal with it. That’s the principle behind civic defense. It’s also the principle of sexual defense.
Like this book? Check it out, along with Steve’s other books, “Finishing Strong” and “Anchor Man.” Use the below link to order the book on Amazon.com
| Dynamic Speakers |
If you would like to bring out Steve Farrar or another dynamic speaker, check out Jonathan’s speaker page for some great recommendations
Jonathan McKee
Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books including the brand new The Guy's Guide to FOUR BATTLES Every Young Man Must Face; The Teen’s Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices; If I Had a Parenting Do Over; and the Amazon Best Seller - The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket. He speaks to parents and leaders worldwide, all while providing free resources for youth workers on TheSource4YM.com. Jonathan, his wife Lori, and their three kids live in California.