Not Another Teen Christian Drama

Summary: The whole concept of this skit is to be a complete oxymoron. The skit is about two directors taking different movie and show plots; trying to make them fit into the ÒGod moldÓ, all the while mocking God in the process. Scenes are taken from Titanic, Finding Nemo, Friends, Bring It On, and the Lord of the Rings. In the end the directors are left on the stage arguing over what their movie is missing, when they realize that nothing is better than the original.

Cast:

Titanic:
Jack – Jason
Rose Ð Daisy

Finding Nemo:
Marlin – Marvin
Dory – Darcy
Bruce Ð Bryce

Bring It On:
Torrance – Tori
Missy – Misty
Isis Ð Icy

Friends:
Phoebe – Phyllis
Rachel – Rochelle
Monica – Marsha
Chandler – Chancellor
Joey – Jakey
Ross – Russ

Lord of the Rings:
Frodo – Fralla
Sam Ð Ham

Others:
Stephanie Feelberg – director
Rhonda Howardson – director
Savannah Black
Cheer announcer
God

Scene 1


Savannah: Hello, IÕm Savannah Black. Welcome to the 25th annual GOD night of movie history in the making. For 25 years the Guild of Directors has hosted a night where we, the audience, are allowed to look deep into the magic of movies in the making. Tonight we are honored to share the company of Stephanie Feelberg and Rhonda Howardson as they direct their new comedy: Not Another Teen Christian Drama. On behalf of GOD we hope that you enjoy the show.

Just as Savannah exits Stephanie enters yelling

Stephanie: People, people. Hey! Yes, you! (stops a crew member) You see this?! (holds up coffee cup) I asked for a triple shot non-fat macchiatto with foam. And you know what I got?! A triple shot non-fat macchiatto with whipped cream – can you believe it?! WHIPPED CREAM! Answer me this: how are whipped cream and foam the same thing?? Never mind, never mind. ItÕs alrightÉYOUÕRE FIRED! Now go.

Rhonda enters also yelling

Rhonda: Stephanie! Has anyone seen her? We need to get started, right now! Ughh! You know what? I bet someone got her whipped cream again; thatÕs always the problem. (sits down in a directorÕs chair)

Right after Rhonda says ÒthatÕs always the problem.Ó Stephanie enters and sits next to Rhonda muttering what sounds like Òwhipped cream, can you believe it.?Ó


Rhonda: Stephanie, where have you been? The show started over ten minutes ago, and the actors have been waiting. So can we just start already?

Stephanie: Be my guest.

Scene 2

Crew walks out with a clapper and announces the scene


Crew: The Ark – Act 3, Scene 5, Take 1. Action!

Theme song from Titanic begins to play

Jason: Do you trust me, Daisy?

Daisy: I trust you Jason, but you know who else I trust, just incase you drop me?

Jason: Who, Daisy?

Daisy: Jesus.


Get into the flying pose (mimicking the famous Titanic ship scene).


Jason: HeÕs king of the world!

Rhonda: Cut! Cut! Cut! What was that? Where are the writers? This is all wrong; there is no way I will get my Oscar for this garbage! That was horrible – we need to move to the next scene.

Stephanie: (wiping away tears) I donÕt know what youÕre talking about; I was extremely moved by DaisyÕs faith in Jason.

Rhonda: Why donÕt you be moved away from me and weÕll carry on.

Rhonda: Okay Steph, since the whole Ark thing didnÕt work, how about we try going for something a little moreÉum…

Stephanie: Stupid?

Rhonda: No, that wonÕt work.

Stephanie: Intelligent?

Rhonda: No, not that either.

Stephanie: Um. A very complicated story with like 8 endings thatÕs about extremely small people who have to save the world while being followed by a strange creature?

Rhonda: THATÕS IT!

Stephanie: Oh boy.

Scene 3


Crew: Lord of the Religions – Act 7, Scene 24, take 6, action!

Song from Lord Of The Rings begins to play

With British accents Fralla and Ham step onto the scene and are panting as if they have been tired and weary for days.


Fralla: IÕm glad your with me, Ham.

Ham: Thank you, Master Fralla. Me, too.

Fralla: But there is someone who IÕd rather have?

Ham: WhoÕs that, Master Fralla?

Fralla: Jesus.

Stephanie: Hold the stinking phone! What the – – – (Rhonda steps over and covers StephanieÕs mouth before she can curse) Thank you, Rhonda. What in the world are you two doing?

Fralla: Exactly what you told us to do, Stephanie. Incorporate Jesus Christ sparingly into the tedious, yet brief; the merry, yet tragic; the brave, yet weak drama of ÒThe Lord of The ReligionsÓ.

Rhonda: Okay, okay, yes, she told you that, but come on! That was horrible!

Stephanie: I agree! NEXT!

Scene 4


Crew: Finding Jonah – Act 10, Scene 2, Take 3

Bryce enters humming the goldfish commercial jingle.

Bryce (with thick British accent, like Bruce in Finding Nemo): The wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off. Oh hello fishies. (grinning)

Marvin: Uh, Darcy (panicked) what do we do?

Darcy: Just keep praying, just keep praying. (clueless)

Stephanie: Stop! Okay that couldnÕt have been any worse if someone had stuck an ice cube down my pants?


Rhonda sticks one down her pants

Rhonda laughs and so does Stephanie


Stephanie: Okay, I didnÕt mean that literally.

Rhonda: CÕmon Steph, what are we going to do? This is the third movie weÕve tried to turn into the perfect drama. How will we know when we finally get it right?

Stephanie: I donÕt know Rhonda but we just have to keep trying. NEXT!

Scene 5



Crew: Friends – Act 13, Scene 13, Take 13, Action!

Friends theme song starts up

Phyllis: (in the tune of Smelly Cat from the TV show Friends. For those unfamiliar, here is the web site w/lyric and a link to guitar chords. http://ragingwind.net/friends/songs.htm. Otherwise, you can improvise and sing to another tune.)

Loving lord, loving lord
Why did you die for us?
Loving lord, loving lord,
It wasnÕt you fault
They wonÕt listen to your word
Obviously the world is absurd
We may not be super perfect
But it doesnÕt matter cause you love us, yet.

Chancellor: Oh my goodness! Could that be any truer? Well done, Phyllis.

Marsha: I KNOW!!!

Phyllis: Thank you Marsha and Chancellor, but really guys? Okay, yes, I guess IÕm great.

Russ: Do you know the BC stands for before Christ?

Jakey: No, I did not know that Russ. Whoa, I wonder what it was like before Christ?

Rochelle: Yeah, I think we should pray guys, I feel something telling me too.

Jakey: Aw Rochelle, thatÕs probably your lunch talking.

Rochelle: Jakey? You are strange man.

Jakey: Thank you, youÕre too nice. Hey, Rach. How you doin?

Stephanie: CUT, CUT, CUT!!!!

Rhonda: That was beautiful! (cries)

Stephanie: What in the world can you be thinking Rhonda? That was the worst piece of acting weÕve seen all day. Oh and really, who would name their kid Phyllis?

Rhonda: I would!

Stephanie: Haha! Yeah right, you would!

Rhonda: Wanna bet?

Stephanie: Sure!

Rhonda: Okay youÕre on!


They turn their backs to each other and wait for a second like that.

Stephanie: Are we really going to wait here until you have kids?

Rhonda: Nope, not really.

Stephanie: Okay truce!


They shake hands

Rhonda: NEXT!

Scene 6

Crew: Bring On The Lord – Act 8, Scene 1, Take 13, Action!

Mickey begins to play

Announcer: And now the final round of best Hallelujah cheers. Here are the Rancho Pollo Torsos!

Tori: Ready girls? Okay!

Misty: What is this!

Tori: You know what we need to stick together on this Misty; I went out on a limb for you!

Misty: Fine, but we need to kick it up a little. Oh my, Tori look who just walked in.

Icy: Oh no way! Girls check out this white trash! Girl Please!

Misty: What are you talking about our cheer could raise the dead.

Tori: Hey Misty just let it be.

Icy: LetÕs not do this, save it for Nationals, and when you get there, bring it!

Tori: You know what Icy, maybe itÕs already been broughten!

Scene 7


Rhonda: ThatÕs it! I canÕt take this stupidity anymore, CUT, CUT, CUT! Everyone just leave, this is not what it was meant to be.

The actors exit
Stephanie: What was it meant to be Rhonda? Because I thought the last bit was pretty good.

Rhonda: CanÕt you see Stephanie? This was meant to glorify God, and all weÕve done tonight is embarrass Him! (cries)


God walks in and lays an arm on Rhonda, while Stephanie looks helpless. Then when God exits Rhonda stops crying.


Rhonda: Steph! I have it, it came to me out of nowhere, maybe weÕve been trying to fit God into our mold when in truth, we should be fitting into his. Maybe, just maybe the Bible is exciting enough without an Oscar or cheesy plot. Maybe we need to leave the ORIGINAL be and let God do his work through us.

Stephanie: That is so true, the ORIGINAL is always better. Because when I tasted diet Dr. Pepper it so didnÕt taste like the ORIGINAL.

THE END

Written by Ashley Perez and Jillian Kerstetter as freshmen in high school from Escondido, CA!